4:06 p.m.: We start off the afternoon with a fabulous montage featuring Eva Longoria in her underwear, Becky Newton in that silver tube dress on Ugly Betty, Sawyer and Kate doing it on Lost, and many many ABC stars boogeying down on DWTS and in the living room sets of the various Shonda series. Aww, there's my Sunday morning boyfriend George Stephanopolous. And more dancing! This time the dancing includes symbolic umbrellas representing the various platforms covered by ABC: Mobile, TV, DVR, etc.

4:13: Anne Sweeney, the president, Disney-ABC Television Group announces "the next big thing for tweens," the TV movie Camp Rock, starring the Jonas Bros. The movie will be launched June 20 on Disney Channel and ABC and ABC Family. That's synergy, people.

4:15: It's not an ABC upfront without Jimmy Kimmel, we're told, even though this year he's busier than ever: He's on late night, on YouTube, and most recently...he's on Ben Affleck. Hee. Roll the clip! And the Sarah-Matt-Ben-Jimmy four-way gets its smutty moment in the spotlight at Lincoln Center's Avery Fisher Hall. Who knew?

4:17: Yay! Jimmy's here. Highlights: "Hey, is this the WGA afterparty or SAG strike preparty?" And in regard to the no-party-at-all situation this year at the ABC upfront: "ABC is like the worst date ever: We expect you to put out, but we're not even going to buy you a drink." On the other hand, points out Kimmel, it's probably best this way: "We're going to focus less on the afterparty, and more on making shows that aren't Cavemen." And now it's time to make fun of NBC: "They're calling them the infronts this year, because they're just in front of the CW." Nice.

4:20: Jimmy says Marlee Matlin brought a whole new hearing impaired audience to the network. Now, he says, "If only we could get the blind too, we wouldn't have to air anything. Imagine the savings."

4:22: Later I will tell you more about the Wheel of Reality Show Development, but suffice it to say, at the upfront we created America's Hairiest Omarosa and The Amazing Fattest Fifth Grader. We think they'll be huge with 18 to 49.

4:23: Says Jimmy, "TVs have never been bigger. Kids have never been fatter. Gas never been more expensive. If we can't sell this stuff, we should be ashamed of ourselves." And then, after grabbing the ass of Mike Shaw, the man in charge of ABC's advertising schemes, Jimmy is gone. We love you JK! Come back soon!

4:25: SO. HUNGRY.

4:27: Fascinating factoid! Apparently 95% of all DVR playback happens within three days. Huh.

4:34: VOD. ABC. "Addressable interactive advertising." Yay?

4:35: Montage! Sayid! If you're like me, and love a good montage, you can check this one out on the homepage of ABC.com.

4:38: ABC president Steve McPherson is here! He tells us ABC has "A core schedule of unparalleled strength...We don't have a single night that needs to be rebuilt from scratch."

4:42: The trailer for the Ashton Kutcher-produced whole-neighborhood-involving Opportunity Knocks game show made me cry. I might just be hungry though...Oh gee, and the Eli Stone trailer too. Tears! I love that show, but I really I do think I just need a pretzel.

4:45: Steve McPherson reveals that he's been trying to Life on Mars onto ABC for over three years.

4:48: Midseason series in development include the previously announced Ashton and Tyra produced beauty pageant show and 20 pilots, 17 of which are in production. These pilots include: Castle, Cupid, Captain Cook's Extraordinary Atlas, Prince of Motor City, 4Play and The Goode Family. The Goode Family, from Mike Judge, looks hilarious. It's about a vegan family, the Goodes, who are "genuinely trying to do good." The mom, for example, is described as "a local activist who dreams of being an activist." The family dog is also vegan, but against his will: He'd eat meat in the form of backyard wildlife if only he had the killer chops. According to Judge on the video we're shown, "It's about people who feel guilty about being human beings." Another series, In the Motherhood, was originally launched as a web series and stars E!'s own Chelsea Handler. Check out IntheMotherhood.com for an early look.

5:09: The summer series preview has two shows that are probably going to be hits: The High School Musical reality series, which is Idol meets Zac Efron (a no-fail proposition) and Wipeout, which is a game show about falling down. Falling down, up and over, bouncing, tripping, and slopping into mud. I think it's going to be huge.

5:15: Wrapping up the presentation, Steve McPherson jokingly thanks the CW for sponsoring the ABC party (being held immediately adjacent to Avery Fisher Hall) at Lincoln Center. And...

OMG Steve McPherson, I love you.

LOST SNEAK PEEK.

Two pilots are at the helm of a transport plane, maybe a C-17. One chatises the other for clinging to his lucky charm, the one holding the rabbit's foot says he has to be extra vigilant considering the cargo they are carrying. These two are the copilots of a Coast Guard transport that's bringing the Oceanic Six back to the mainland. Michelle Forbes is an Oceanic Airlines rep, strapped into the jump seat immediately behind the pilots. The pilots tell Forbes they're approaching the tarmac.

She goes back into the cargo hold where Jack, Hurley, Sayid, Sun and Kate are strapped in to passenger seats. Kate is holding Aaron. Michelle Forbes tells the Six the press wants to talk to them but she can get them out of it. Jack speaks for the group and says that's fine, they're prepared to answer any questions. Michelle Forbes leaves, tottering back to the cockpit in her stilettos.

Jack says they all know the story, but if they get any questions they can't answer, the press will just assume they're in shock. Sun: "Jack, we are in shock." Sun and Sayid do like they're in shock, whereas Kate just looks generally devastated. Aaron is wearing an insanely adorable little overall jumper. The plane lands, and the gangplank is lowered.

The Six exit the back of the transport. Mama Reyes, Papa and Mama Paik, and Mama Shephard are all waiting. All three clans are overjoyed to see each other. Sayid and Kate have no families greeting them. Hugo jumps back after hugging his mom hello and introduces Sayid, who gets the full family hug treatment.

Kate, who looks especially freckly for some reason, holds on tight to Baby Aaron and looks around, all alone. I know that Sam Austen is probably supposed to be in Iraq or something (cf the background soldiers in "Something Nice Back Home") and I know her mom is perpetually dying, but she's all alone, and it shows.

Smash Cut: LOST!

(EEeeeee!!!)

—Reporting by Jennifer Godwin

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