New Camille, Chief"s niece, comes in with some more almost-death, and it takes a while, I guess, for everybody to recognize her from her prom because of all their sex and death and lying in bed with dead guys. Adele and Weber fight about Camille"s desire to just die already, and it"s kind of touching, but Weber is very resistant. Adele gives Weber her eighty-seventh weird McDreamy ultimatum about putting medicine before family.
Speaking of Derek, here are all the ways he fucks up this week: palling around with Lexie in front of Meredith, causing her to freak out about Lexie, causing Cristina to ride Lexie pretty hard, but legitimately. They work together on a case involving Horace (my favorite character) from Commander In Chief, having issues with his dad-slash-coach. Yang yells at Lexie, and Derek throws her out of the OR because he actually wants to discuss his nonexistent, creepy relationship with Meredith. Then at the end, he gives Meredith this long, very McDreamy speech about how he hopes to settle down with some other woman that is not her, but until then, they can fuck. Because Meredith is even more effed up than him, she"s like, "I thought that was what we were doing the last three seasons," and doesn"t stab him in the eye for actually out-grossing her this week.
Mark hands off this lady who is not dying to Meredith and Norman, the Oldest Living Confederate Intern, and they tell her she"s dying, ruining her life. Norman spends the whole time being absofucking awful, cutesier than a Gilmore Girl Pushing Daisies after snorting a Wonderfall of Pixie Sticks, tossing around elderly hipster dialogue and every monstrous catchphrase this show has ever tried to float, one after the other, like a horrible unending commercial about how your grandparents are actually capable of using cell phones. On the other hand, his hair is really awesome.
And then there"s Torres, who manages to be completely ruined in about ten seconds of lady-hating bullshit. Starts off weird, with Callie opening the episode "forgiving" George for cheating on her, because they"re married and they"ll get over it. Fine. I mean, he"s begging for reasons to leave you, but on paper, it works. Then the whole hospital gets abuzz with this Three O"Clock High lunchroom fight that"s supposedly happening with Izzie. It doesn"t, but Callie realizes everything about this is gross. As does Alex, who tells both of Gizzie that they are disgusting -- but lest you think his moral center has activated, he makes sure we know it"s because he tried to date Izzie after Denny died, and she wasn"t feeling him. Callie takes all her rage from the abortive Izzie fight out on the quasi-controlling boyfriend of a doomed anorexic patient (played by my favorite Mad Men actor), but is stopped from beating him down by Bailey, who questions her professionalism in a major way. Then, Callie turns on Izzie"s ill-advised apology, calling her a whore. Ladies, please. Of the two people in the marriage, which one"s cheating? Callie gives her this long, nasty, ugly, hateful speech about how a man who cheats on his wife is apparently A-okay, while an unattached woman who sleeps with a married man is a whore. That"s fine to tell yourself, Callie, but the fact is that Izzie didn"t cheat on you: George did. Izzie"s not married to you, she didn"t make promises to you, and she owes you nothing. Your husband is not something that can be "taken" by anybody else, and my strong Dr. Calliope Iphigenia Torres would know that. Bringing feminism into it makes a mockery of feminism, marriage, George"s adulthood, and Callie herself. Not even George buys her forgiveness pose. Bad form. I never thought Gizzie would be the thing that turned me off this show, and I certainly never thought Callie would disgust me more than Meredith, but amazingly, this episode"s managed both. Guess we"ll see what happens next.